Smudge and I are taking a walk around the recreation ground. There’s lots of mobile fencing, with signs threatening prosecution and big fines for allowing your dog to foul the rugby pitch, spread about. I don’t think it’s very clear where we’re supposed to walk but I’m not unduly worried: Smudge is only interested in playing ball. A stocky middle-aged bloke springs out from behind the shed where the mowers are stored and yells at me “Get your dog off my field”. Now, I know it isn’t his field. I’m guessing he’s a rugby player and the rugby team rent the pitch off the local council, but the field is definitely public access common. “It’s not your field” I reply. He’s not listening but yelling some more and getting very red in the face “We’re sick of playing in dog shit you bastards have left behind. You’re not allowed on here any more.” I’m trying to stay calm: he looks a bit beefy and I don’t want this to degenerate into a brawl. “My dog hasn’t left any shit on this field today or any other day. We use bags.” And I pull some out of my pocket as evidence. “Yes, you all say that but we’re still playing in shit and we’ve had enough. How would you like it if we came and shit in your house?” I struggle not to laugh at this. I think I’d better try a different tack. “Are you worried about the paedophile ring they’re investigating in North Wales?” He doesn’t understand this: I hoped he wouldn’t, so I continue “I was thinking rugby’s very popular in Wales, so there’s a good chance, if they catch a load of paedophiles, there’s bound to be a rugby player amongst them, isn’t there?” His face is now a twisted mess of confusion and anger “What the fuck are you talking about? Are you calling me a paedophile?” “No, no, not at all. I’m merely saying, if we apply your logic, we only need to establish that there is one law breaker in any identifiable group to justify persecuting all of them. Dog walkers, rugby players, if one is bad, we punish the lot.” He understands now but he’s not giving up just yet “Dog walkers are all the same”. His conviction is wavering. I walk past him and throw Smudge’s ball “You know that’s nonsense.”
J’accuse
19 Monday Nov 2012
That is priceless, Rob… your presence of mind is delightful. Thanks or starting my day off with a laugh!
You’re welcome Esmee. Many thanks for your feedback.
ahaha that’s brilliant! throw him off his moral high horse with logic! welcome back btw!
Thanks. Usually it’s all over before I think of anything clever to say.
well this time you rocked it!
Good for you Rob! For ‘sticking up’ for yourself and ‘picking up’ after Smudge.
Thanks Diana. It felt good at the time. I don’t suppose it will stop him from harrassing others though.
Brilliant! Hahaha
Thanks Maheen.
Hahaha! I bet the poor guy felt like he’d just lost a match.
I’m better at arguement than I am at rugby. Thanks Jane.
I love this. Good you stood up to him and I applaud your self-control. I would have been rolling in the dirt. They do that in Central Park as well…a group feels they own it and try bullying you into believing it. Makes me crazy. Parks are for people and dogs not just asshole rugby players. The picture is great too.
Many thanks Susannah. I don’t think all rugby players are so narrow minded and I sympathise with his plight: it must be frustrating and disgusting to find yourself wallowing in dog poo.
You know, it’s about the delivery…the old tone of voice. It was obvious you and Smudge were not the culprits so he Mr. Rugby was barkin up the wrong tree.
Smudge just wanted him to play ball. Anything in trousers will do for that girl.
I know what she means…:)
Are you still writing that other piece? Miss your posts.
I’m supposed to have fifty thousand words written by today. I’m only nineteen thousand short. Busy, busy, busy.
WOW! 50,000? Do you still circulation in your hands? Let me know how it goes.
Hope you had a great Thanksgiving and are in the midst of a great Thanksgiving weekend!
I’m British. We don’t do thanksgiving. But thanks for your kind wishes anyway.
Rob, I haven’t been by lately – my bad. Glad to have caught this posting, you are a very clever minx I must say. I am a postie and a dog lover, which, as you can imagine, creates some challenges… at least internally. I am tolerance personified when it comes to dogs, not so much with humans. When I catch the 2 leggeds not cleaning up after the 4 leggeds, I do get vocal. Now where did you hide that “follow” button?
I’ve not been by much either. I’m trying to finish my novel. It seems to be slipping away from me.