Talking Dog

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agent, dog act, entertainment, humour, joke, life, musings, thoughts

Another old joke:

A man in a sparkly suit, with a Jack Russell on a lead, presents himself at the office of a theatrical agent “I’m Marvello and this is Charlie, my fantastic talking dog act!” he exclaims, with great gusto.

The agent, supressing a sigh, say “OK, let’s see it”

Whereupon, Marvello turns and gives Charlie an almighty kick “How does that feel, Charlie?”

“Ruff” says Charlie.

“Don’t say another word” screams the agent “Get out.  Don’t even think about coming back.  Get out now!”.

Charlie and Marvello turn and trudge out of the door.

Outside on the pavement, Charlie looks up at Marvello and says “That didn’t go well, did it?”

Caesar’s Visit

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humour, joke, life, musings, sex, sex 2, Skegness Latest News, thoughts

The emperor is in town and everyone is eager to please. It falls to the governor to lay on the entertainment for Caesar and his entourage. Now this is not a matter to be taken lightly. Caesar is very demanding, easily bored, and not too forgiving if riled. So the governor is wracking his brains to come up with something extravagant, unique and appropriate.
Asking around for ideas, one of the governor’s minions mentions that Dickus, the centurion, has a reputation as a great lover. From this is hatched a plan: Dickus will deflower fifty virgins in the arena, for the titillation of all.
Come the day of the games, everything seems to be going well. The wine is flowing and the warm-up acts have been well received. The fifty virgins are suitably tethered in the arena and Dickus has set about his task with great gusto. The crowd are urging him on and a quick smile and nod from Ceasar to the governor is most reassuring.
Ten minutes later, a very different picture is emerging. Dickus is only on virgin number twenty-eight and is clearly flagging. The crowd are getting restless, some are even throwing things, and Caesar’s smile has vanished.

Four minutes and only two more virgins later, Dickus looks beaten and the governor is staring into the abyss.  The crowd are howling and Caesar has a face like a butcher’s block.  The governor prostrates himself at Caesar’s feet to beg forgiveness.

“How was I to know?” he weeps ”Dickus managed fifty perfectly well in practice this morning!”

Bingo

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life, musings, thoughts

My wonderful wife went to play bingo with a friend last night. This is her first forray into the bingo world.  I am happy that she’s out enjoying herself but I feel a certain unease. Bingo occupies a definite place in U.K. culture. The tradition is that it’s entertainment for old, working-class women. (The flaps of fat that some old ladies develop behind their upper arms are affectionately known as “bingo wings” as a result.)
Bingo is a game of utterly no skill whatsoever.  Maybe that’s the attraction: the excitement of a possible win, without the need to engage one’s brain?  So is my enease just a case of snobbery?  I am tempted to think it is.