30 Wednesday May 2012
21 Saturday Apr 2012
A euphemism is a substitution of an agreeable or less offensive expression in place of one that may offend or suggest something unpleasant to the listener. We’re all familiar with “passed away” for “died”, for example. Some are created with humour or parody in mind. I’ve compiled a list of these and invite contribution from others:
“Calling Hughie” for “Vomiting”.
“Bats In The Belfry” for “Mad”.
“The Lift Doesn’t Go To The Top Floor” for “Mentally Retarded”
“Tired And Emotional” for “Drunk”.
“Being Economical With The Truth” for “Lying”.
“Terminological Inexactitude” for “Lie”
“Commercial Sex Worker” for “Prostitute”.
“Brother Of The Gusset” for “Pimp”.
“Peace Keeper” for “ICBM”.
“Irish Banjo” for “Shovel”.
“Assume Room Temperature” for “Die”.
“Playing Hide The Sausage” or “Bedroom Rodeo” for “Sexual Intercourse”.
“Vatican Roulette” for “Rhythm Method”.
“Caramelised” for “Burnt”.
“Rogue State” for “Won’t Accept McDonalds”.
“Terrorist” for “Not Killing For Us”.
19 Thursday Apr 2012
Posted in language, Life, Respect, self-esteem, Sex, Thoughts, Uncategorized
Tags
life, musings, psychology, rants, self-esteem, self-image, sex, thoughts
A thought prompted by a short piece I heard on Radio 4 last night. What did you teach your children to call their genitals? Surveys suggest anything but their proper names. So, is there something embarrassing about the words penis, scrotum, vulva and vagina? And if we teach our children words like willy, front bottom, foo-foo, and the like, what message are we sending out? Are we saying that these body parts are something to be ashamed of?
Children are “blank canvasses” and will accept whatever terminology we give them. Are we giving them the wrong words to save ourselves embarrassment? And, if so, are we doing them a disservice?
15 Thursday Mar 2012
Posted in beauty, Humour, language, self-image, Sex, Thoughts, Uncategorized
If I told you that you were “as beautiful as ever”, chances are, you’d be chuffed.
If I told you that you were “as ugly as ever”, chances are, you’d be insulted.
Both of these statements mean exactly the same thing: that is, your position the scale from ugly to beautiful is the same as it ever was. Strange how the connotation changes everything.
07 Wednesday Mar 2012
Named after Mrs. Malaprop in Richard Sheridan’s play The Rivals (1775) and always worthy of a giggle:
“Early grave tea” – me
“Electrocution lessons to help improve diction.”
“Haunted house? Get the vicar to circumcise it.” – J. Cooper.
“A sexagenarian? At his age? That’s disgusting” – actress Gracie Allen.
“The equator is a menagerie lion running around the centre of the earth”
“Your ambition – is that right – is to abseil across the English channel?” – Cilla Black
“It is beyond my apprehension.” – Danny Ozark, baseball team manager
“Legend in his own lunch-time”
“This is unparalyzed in the state’s history.” – Gib Lewis, Texas Speaker of the House
“My brother has extra-century perception.”
He drove a hunchback car, wore bisexual glasses and corridor trousers.”
“LHC : the large hard-on collider….”
“Is that a coleslaw on your lip?”
“She’s really tough; she’s remorseful.” – David Moorcroft
“I might just fade into Bolivian” - Mike Tyson, Boxer
“And then he [Mike Tyson] will have only channel vision.” – Frank Bruno, boxer
“If I were an octopus I’d spank you with all my testicles”
“I’ll be the pilot, you be the alligator.”
“Marie Scott… has really plummeted to the top.” – Alan Weeks
“He’s going up and down like a metronome.” – Ron Pickering
“Michelangelo painted the sixteenth chapel”
“We cannot let terrorists and rogue nations hold this nation hostile or hold our allies hostile.” – George W. Bush
“He was a man of great statue.” – Thomas Menino, Boston mayor
“I always lose my prawns at chest.”
“Good punctuation is not being late”.
“Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.” – Dan Quayle, Vice President
“If Gower had stopped that [cricket ball] he would have decapitated his hand.”
- Farokh Engineer
“We seem to have unleased a hornet’s nest.” – Valerie Singleton
“This series has been swings and pendulums all the way through.” – Trevor Bailey, cricket commentator
“Be sure and put some of those neutrons on it.” – Mike Smith, ordering a salad.
