Hearsay

Tags

fiction, life, madness, murder, musings, psychology, Self-control, thought processes, thoughts, writing

The Inkwell’s Half-hour Challenge for March “Mad As A Hatter”:

Hearsay. Well, that and political pressure on crime figures. Oh, and coppers seeking to climb the greasy pole. Anything to get a conviction. Another tick in another box. I shouldn’t be in here. I haven’t done anything wrong. Well, nothing to justify them putting me behind bars, anyway. Bastards! I was trying to help, for fuck’s sake. Is this any way to repay me? Karen was obviously in distress. There was so much blood. I’ve never seen so much blood: horrible. Richard was just lying there. He was covered in blood too. I didn’t know he was dead though. Karen was screaming at me. What was she saying? “Leave me alone” I think. I looked behind me but I couldn’t see anyone. But it was quite dark down that alley. She was upset. Quite understandable, given the circumstances. Not thinking straight. I guess she would have screamed at anyone. I shouldn’t take it personally. No, I’m being too sensitive there. I need to calm down and think it through properly. How did we come to be in that alley? I know I was in the nightclub. I remember seeing Karen dancing. She’s usually quite sexy but she’s a real turn-on when she’s dancing. Richard was dancing with her. I think he was. I’m not sure. I was just drinking at the bar. Just watching. Watching Karen dancing. She has a fantastic figure. Marvellous tits. Great legs too. She should have been dancing with me. I wanted to take her home. Yes, I wanted that. I wanted her in my bed. I wanted her naked. I knew I had to play with that fantastic body. But she was dancing with Richard. Then she went out back. I thought she was going to the loo but she kept going. Out through the fire escape and into the alley. Smokers’ corner. Why was I there? I don’t smoke. She should have come home with me then. I knew that she had the hots for me. I think she was only dancing with Richard to make me jealous. I know she loves me really. We could have gone back to my place. Then Richard was there. What did he want? I was only talking to Karen. It was nothing to do with him. I think Karen must have felt embarrassed. That was Richard’s fault. Karen and I were going back to my place. But she wouldn’t want Richard to know. That’s it. That’s why she was embarrassed. That’s why she said she wouldn’t come. It was his fault. Then she laughed at me. Why would she do that? That made me angry. I really hate it when someone laughs at me. What happened next? I can’t remember. But Richard got hurt. All that blood!

I could have married anyone!

Tags

humour, joke, life, love, musings, relationships, sex, thoughts, women

Feed the Chickens

Tags

chicken, dog, humour, musings, photography, snow

The chickens need regular feeding to keep warm in bad weather. Maeve took the opportunity to photograph Smudge. The problem is that the snow is so exciting that she feels compelled to dash about like a complete eejit (Smudge that is, not Maeve), making portraiture impossible.

J’accuse

Tags

dog, Experience, life, musings, pets, rants, thoughts, walking

Smudge and I are taking a walk around the recreation ground. There’s lots of mobile fencing, with signs threatening prosecution and big fines for allowing your dog to foul the rugby pitch, spread about. I don’t think it’s very clear where we’re supposed to walk but I’m not unduly worried: Smudge is only interested in playing ball. A stocky middle-aged bloke springs out from behind the shed where the mowers are stored and yells at me “Get your dog off my field”. Now, I know it isn’t his field. I’m guessing he’s a rugby player and the rugby team rent the pitch off the local council, but the field is definitely public access common. “It’s not your field” I reply. He’s not listening but yelling some more and getting very red in the face “We’re sick of playing in dog shit you bastards have left behind. You’re not allowed on here any more.” I’m trying to stay calm: he looks a bit beefy and I don’t want this to degenerate into a brawl. “My dog hasn’t left any shit on this field today or any other day. We use bags.” And I pull some out of my pocket as evidence. “Yes, you all say that but we’re still playing in shit and we’ve had enough. How would you like it if we came and shit in your house?” I struggle not to laugh at this. I think I’d better try a different tack. “Are you worried about the paedophile ring they’re investigating in North Wales?” He doesn’t understand this: I hoped he wouldn’t, so I continue “I was thinking rugby’s very popular in Wales, so there’s a good chance, if they catch a load of paedophiles, there’s bound to be a rugby player amongst them, isn’t there?” His face is now a twisted mess of confusion and anger “What the fuck are you talking about? Are you calling me a paedophile?” “No, no, not at all. I’m merely saying, if we apply your logic, we only need to establish that there is one law breaker in any identifiable group to justify persecuting all of them. Dog walkers, rugby players, if one is bad, we punish the lot.” He understands now but he’s not giving up just yet “Dog walkers are all the same”. His conviction is wavering. I walk past him and throw Smudge’s ball “You know that’s nonsense.”

Are you mad?

Tags

humour, joke, life, mad, maybe, musings, question, response, silly question, thoughts

How many times have I been asked that question?  I’ve lost count.
It’s a very silly question, though. If I was mad, I wouldn’t know.
Perhaps the correct response is “Well, I’m listening to you so, maybe!”