I’m on a fortnight’s staycation at present and so had occasion to be watching daytime TV yesterday afternoon, whilst resting from the morning’s exertions in the garden. On a poor soap opera, called Emmerdale, a man joined a group of women, sitting in a pub. I couldn’t believe his opening gambit:
“Can I just check: are any of you lesbians? Only I don’t want to waste money buying drinks for any that I stand no chance with.”
I was utterly gob-smacked! It’s so bad, it’s almost good! He managed to tick so many “turn-off boxes” in so few words: presumptuous, miserly, homophobic, arrogant; I could go on.
This set me awondering whether this could be the worst chat-up line ever, so I did a little trail of the internet, to see what I could find.
You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
My name’s Dick: do you like it?
The fact that I’m missing my teeth just means that there’s more room for your tongue.
Do you raise chickens? Because you made my cock grow.
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
The word of the day is legs, let’s go to your house and spread the word.
Do you believe in love at first sight…or do I have to walk by again?
Are you free tonight, or will it cost me?
Are you the daughter of a lumberjack? Because when I look at you I get wood.
You see my mate over there? He wants to know if you think I’m cute.
So what do you think? Which of these is the worst? Or have you heard even poorer excuses to entice women?