Hearsay

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fiction, life, madness, murder, musings, psychology, Self-control, thought processes, thoughts, writing

The Inkwell’s Half-hour Challenge for March “Mad As A Hatter”:

Hearsay. Well, that and political pressure on crime figures. Oh, and coppers seeking to climb the greasy pole. Anything to get a conviction. Another tick in another box. I shouldn’t be in here. I haven’t done anything wrong. Well, nothing to justify them putting me behind bars, anyway. Bastards! I was trying to help, for fuck’s sake. Is this any way to repay me? Karen was obviously in distress. There was so much blood. I’ve never seen so much blood: horrible. Richard was just lying there. He was covered in blood too. I didn’t know he was dead though. Karen was screaming at me. What was she saying? “Leave me alone” I think. I looked behind me but I couldn’t see anyone. But it was quite dark down that alley. She was upset. Quite understandable, given the circumstances. Not thinking straight. I guess she would have screamed at anyone. I shouldn’t take it personally. No, I’m being too sensitive there. I need to calm down and think it through properly. How did we come to be in that alley? I know I was in the nightclub. I remember seeing Karen dancing. She’s usually quite sexy but she’s a real turn-on when she’s dancing. Richard was dancing with her. I think he was. I’m not sure. I was just drinking at the bar. Just watching. Watching Karen dancing. She has a fantastic figure. Marvellous tits. Great legs too. She should have been dancing with me. I wanted to take her home. Yes, I wanted that. I wanted her in my bed. I wanted her naked. I knew I had to play with that fantastic body. But she was dancing with Richard. Then she went out back. I thought she was going to the loo but she kept going. Out through the fire escape and into the alley. Smokers’ corner. Why was I there? I don’t smoke. She should have come home with me then. I knew that she had the hots for me. I think she was only dancing with Richard to make me jealous. I know she loves me really. We could have gone back to my place. Then Richard was there. What did he want? I was only talking to Karen. It was nothing to do with him. I think Karen must have felt embarrassed. That was Richard’s fault. Karen and I were going back to my place. But she wouldn’t want Richard to know. That’s it. That’s why she was embarrassed. That’s why she said she wouldn’t come. It was his fault. Then she laughed at me. Why would she do that? That made me angry. I really hate it when someone laughs at me. What happened next? I can’t remember. But Richard got hurt. All that blood!

Perfect Partner

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fun, happiness, life, love, marriage, musings, perfect, relationships, Self-control, sex 2, thoughts, women

This is the age of the “one stop shop”. Across the world, supermarkets are replacing the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker with convenience stores. I do most of my shopping in supermarkets because I crave their convenience and low prices. At the same time, I miss the quality and personal touch the little shops used to provide.

For other purchases, I’m a little more choosey. I don’t expect or want my dentist to syringe my ears, or cut my hair, whilst he’s checking my teeth. I want a specialist, not a “jack of all trades” or “all-rounder”. Similarly, I’m content to see my G.P. with my minor ailments but, if there’s something seriously wrong with me, I want a specialist. I don’t expect my G.P. to be expert in every field of medicine. I wouldn’t want a good all-rounder administering my oncology, or an ear, nose and throat wallah fiddling with my aorta!

Monogamous tradition dictates that your partner must be an all-rounder. We expect him/her to provide care, attention, love, support, social interaction, entertainment, sex, and we expect to provide the same in return. It is not reasonable to expect anyone to be expert in every aspect of partnership. The very best we can hope for is a good all-rounder, with expertise in the one aspect most dear to us. Even this compromise is difficult to find and nigh-on impossible to sustain over decades.

So, is there a case for single service providers in lieu of a one stop shop? Is the only perfect partner actually not one man or woman but a collection of people, chosen for their skill sets? Logically, I think yes. Emotionally, I’m less convinced. What do you think?

Innocence

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baby, Experience, free will, life, musings, Self-control, thoughts

We think of babies as innocent. I guess by that we mean that they are not responsible for their actions. Fair enough. Babies seem utterly selfish to me: they’re only interested in their own needs and cry if they are not fulfilled. They’re not interested in how they’re provided for, the cost, the time or energy invested. Of course, they can’t be expected to understand such things, so again, fair enough.

Parents, teachers and others, society, teach and nurture each baby; teach them right from wrong and the ways of the world. By this process, the baby grows to adulthood and is expected to take responsibility for his/her actions. We no longer regard him/her as innocent per se. He/she may be accused, brought to task and punished for transgression.

I don’t want to get embroiled in a nature versus nurture argument. A baby is not responsible for either his/her nature or his/her nurture. So once he/she grows to adulthood, what can he/she be reasonably asked to accept responsibility for? Behaviour is the result of nurture on nature. Who is responsible for behaviour? Why is an adult any more or less innocent than a baby?

The Beautiful Game

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euro 2012, life, musings, Self-control, soccer, standards, thoughts, women

I’ve seen every match of Euro 2012 so far. Some bits have been quite good but, for the most part, I have found it a disappointment.  This competition should be a display and celebration of the best that Europe has to offer, but it is not.  The way the rules are interpretted allows cheats to prosper, so it’s no surprise that everyone cheats.  This is not a criticism of individual referees: they are only performing to the guidelines of the governing bodies.  Until the refs issue a booking for every deliberate infringement, the game will deteriorate.

I also watched the women’s match England versus Netherlands 2013 qualifier yesterday.  What a breath of fresh air!  Although the women are not so fast or skillful as the men, they seem to show infinitely more respect for the game, and the entertainment value is much enhanced as a result.  Maybe FIFA should take note!

Terrible Fear

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dating, life, love, marriage, musings, psychology, relationships, Self-control, self-esteem, self-image, sex, thoughts

I realise that I have a terrible fear. It haunts and gnaws at me.
When I’m too old or infirm to have sex any longer, what if I still want it?

Hey Good Looking

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behaviour, body images, Experience, images of men, life, musings, rants, self consciousness, Self-control, self-esteem, self-image, Skegness Latest News, skinny models, thought processes, thoughts

I recall Frank Zappa asking his audience “Is there anyone out there who thinks they’re good looking, y’know: you think you’re kinda cute? Well, you’d better watch out, ‘cos there are a hell of lot more of us ugly motherfuckers about.”

Broadblogs responded to my post “Naked Men” suggesting that the self-consciousness I was witnessing was a result of the idealised body images of men portrayed in the media.  This is a problem more commonly associated and discussed in relation to women.  The skinny models/anorexia/young women’s suicides debate has been raging for decades.

I understand that positive self-image and self-esteem are a large component of mental health.  We need to feel good about ourselves in order to be able to function as “normal” human beings.

The natural progression of these arguements is to say that the media are making us ill.  If that’s true, why do we let it happen?  “The media” are people too: do they suffer the same fate?  Who has anything to gain from creating a narrow tolerance of what a body should look like?  It’s hard to believe that the models are responsible for its promotion, since they seem to suffer their own torture to maintain the way they look.  Is this trend bigger than its players and impossible to deflect or stop?  Is there a way to break the cycle?

Learn to argue.

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behaviour, Experience, happiness, life, musings, peace, rants, Self-control, self-esteem, standards, thought processes, thoughts

I see otherwise loving people wounding each other, because they don’t know how to argue. An arguement can be a constructive instrument if it’s conducted in the right frame mind. We will always disagree about things: that’s just human.  How can we do it without destroying a relationship?

A few hints that might help:
1. One of you doesn’t need to be right and the other wrong, just because you disagree. What’s right for one isn’t necessarily right for all: there are very few (if any) absolute truths.

2. Try to avoid words that show him/her to be wrong and seek the common ground.  You may be argueing about details or a difference of emphasis.

3. Try to separate the issue from the person. Don’t let an arguement get personal, if you can help it.

4. If things get heated, suggest a cooling off period and a reconvene. This could also be used to investigate any “facts” that are in dispute.  DO NOT lose your temper.

5. Listen! If things are getting edgy, try to hear the message behind the hurt.

6. Try not to be judgemental.  There’s a reason for everything (not always a good one, I grant you) and so there’s a reason for him/her taking the position she/he has.

7. Try to avoid thinking about winning and losing.  Focus instead on trying to find the best solution for all.  This can be very difficult but seek help from your arguee if you can.  Ask for a vision of what perfection would look like.

8.  They say you should never go to bed on an arguement.  I’d challenge this.  I think sleeping on things can help you cool down and get perspective.  Whatever works for you is best.

9. Ask yourself “how important is it? can we agree to disagree without significant legacy?”

10. Last, but not least, ask yourself “is it worth the upset I will cause if I continue to hold my position?”  Seriously consider capitulation.

Change

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behaviour, decisions, Experience, life, plans, psychology, rants, Self-control, thoughts

You’re not satified with things as they are, right? Well, that’s only natural: there’s always room for improvement. So what will you do? The answer to this question (generally speaking, present company excepted, of course) is a big fat NOTHING! If you want a different output, then you need a different input. Do not expect change to result from your carrying on regardless. We all do it from time to time. I’m guilty as well.
It’s so easy to get stuck in the rut when you should be ploughing a fresh furrow. You need to grab the bull by the horns, grasp the nettle, take the first step and all those other uplifting if slightly vague platitudes. Most of all what you need is a plan. Don’t wait for change to come to you: make it happen.

Fashion

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behaviour, decisions, fashion, life, psychology, rants, Self-control, self-esteem, self-image, thoughts

A fool and his (or her) money are easily parted, I hear.  Is fashion the mechanism?
Good quality, serviceable items are allegedly unusable because they are “out”.  Ridicule and scorn must be thrown at anyone caught wearing last year’s garments.  We pay massive mark-ups on the price of a tee-shirt, so we can give free advertising to the manufacturer, by sporting his name on our chests.
I don’t mean to preach.  In spite of my best efforts, I am far from immune.  But I ask: what sense does any of it make?

Musical Intelligence

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Control, Intelligence, Music, psychology, Self-control, Training

I’m not sure that I know a way to blog this without sounding incredibly pompous so, as ever, in I plunge!
I play the guitar. I’m not very good but I enjoy it and ultimately I only have to please myself. I’m not gifted, musically speaking, so it took a long time and a lot of hard work for me to learn. One of the most difficult things to master is the discipline of making one’s hands and fingers perform quite different tasks concurrently and in sync. I feel that learning that discipline has given me a different kind of intelligence. I’m struggling to find a better way to describe it. Maybe intelligence is the wrong word: perhaps right brainedness would be closer. I think it improves my ability to concentrate on more than one thing at the same time. Do any other musicians out in cyberland get the same feeling?