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I posted this picture because I liked it. I don’t feel the need to offer any more explanation than that.
Tag Archives: women
My Colleagues
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Life could be worse!
Anglers
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For as long as anyone could remember, Bill and John had fished together in the canal. Every day they were there together, without fail. One Tuesday morning, they were sitting side-by-side on the bank, as usual, when Bill said “I’m not coming tomorrow.”
“Not coming tomorrow?” replied John, utterly aghast.
“No, sorry, I can’t ‘cos I’m getting married. It’s OK though. I’ll be here again on Thursday.”
John heaved a sigh of relief “Oh, that’s OK then.”
Thursday morning, sure enough, they’re fishing together again. But John’s curiosity is piqued “This new wife: are you going to tell me a bit about her?”
“Well, there’s not much to tell, really”.
“Oh” says John.
After a while, John decides to try again: “Is she a looker?”
“No, quite plain, ugly even.”
“Oh” says John.
“Is she an intellectual then, clever like?” asks John, albeit without much conviction.
“No, I’d say she’s pretty thick, really.”
“Oh” says John.
John is nothing if not persistent: “Well, she must be a bubbly personality then; you know, fun to be with?”
“No, she’s quite boring.”
“Oh” says John.
“I’ll bet she’s loaded. Is she? Rich widow or such-like?”
“No, poor as a church mouse.”
“Oh” says John.
“I know, I’ve got the measure of you matey-boy: I’ll bet she’s a nymphomaniac, goes like a bunny, shags you silly every night?”
“No, she’s not interested in sex at all: totally celibate.”
“Oh” says John.
John’s confusion is growing. Eventually he can stand it no longer and challenges his friend “Bill, this makes no sense. If she’s ugly, stupid, thick, boring, broke and celibate, why on earth did you marry her?”
“She’s got worms.”
Separate Beds
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Posted in bed, Humour, joke, Marriage, relationships, Sex, Uncategorized, Wife
I went to Scunthorpe Wine Circle last night as they had a comedy act on. I can’t remember all of the material I laughed long and hard at, but his opening gambit stayed with me:
“My wife has decided we’ll sleep in separate beds from now on. My bed will be in Lincoln and hers will be in Liverpool.”
Cringeworthy
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Posted in communication, dog, ex-wife, Marriage, relationships, Wife, women
I’m assuming that there’s a first time for all of us. Well, very nearly all of us. Very few people, I suggest, marry the first person they date and remain with that person ‘til death them do part. So, it follow, nearly everyone has an “ex” somewhere.
Names are important; I realise that. But there are only so many things that anyone can think about at any particular moment and still fewer that you can actually concentrate upon. So my defence, your honour, is one of absent-mindedness; nothing more sinister than that.
I have previously called my wife by the dog’s name and my dog by my wife’s name. Neither of these transgressions prompted more than a passing comment (though the dog looked confused).
I realise that it was most impolitic to call my present wife by my ex-wife’s name. It wasn’t that I was thinking of my ex-wife. Had I been concentrating upon her, the misdemeanour would have been less and not more likely. It was only a “slip of the tongue”. Suffice to say that the ensuing debate has persuaded me to avoid any repeat.
I could have married anyone!
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Mirror, mirror
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Posted in beauty, Competition, dream, faerie-tale, Fiction, nightmare, Uncategorized, women
The Inkwell’s monthly Half-hour Challenge for February is “Dreams and Nightmares”:
“Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?”
“Depends what you mean by “fairest”, Luv. Some folk mean “blonde” when they say “fair”. Others mean “just” or “sporting” or “egalitarian”.”
“You’re a magic mirror: I’m consulting you about beauty. Am I not the most gorgeous creature in the world?”
“I think “creature” is a mistake, to be honest, Luv. This is difficult enough without getting non-species specific.”
“All right! Am I the most beautiful woman in the world then?”
“Of course you are.”
“Why “of course”?”
“You own me. I’ve made a judgement that you want to be the most beautiful. Therefore, you are the most beautiful.”
“But am I REALLY the most beautiful?”
“Well, I think so, of course, but these things are very subjective.”
“That’s not good enough. I want you to tell me that I’m REALLY the most beautiful.”
“You’re REALLY the most beautiful.”
“But would you still say that if I didn’t own you?”
“Of course.”
“But would you still say that if someone else owned you?”
“Yes.”
“But wouldn’t she, your new owner, I mean, wouldn’t she want you to say that she was the most beautiful?”
“Possibly.”
“So what would you say then?”
“Look Luv, I’m doing my best here. My job is to please. I don’t know what my new owner looks like. Isn’t it enough that you’re the most beautiful owner I know?”
“Am I not the only owner you know?”
“Well, strictly speaking, yes, but I think you’re beautiful.”
“What’s the point in having a magic mirror, if I can’t get a straight answer?”
“With respect Luv, you don’t want a straight answer.”
Perfect Partner
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Posted in Life, Love, Marriage, Musings, relationships, Sex, talent, Uncategorized
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fun, happiness, life, love, marriage, musings, perfect, relationships, Self-control, sex 2, thoughts, women
This is the age of the “one stop shop”. Across the world, supermarkets are replacing the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker with convenience stores. I do most of my shopping in supermarkets because I crave their convenience and low prices. At the same time, I miss the quality and personal touch the little shops used to provide.
For other purchases, I’m a little more choosey. I don’t expect or want my dentist to syringe my ears, or cut my hair, whilst he’s checking my teeth. I want a specialist, not a “jack of all trades” or “all-rounder”. Similarly, I’m content to see my G.P. with my minor ailments but, if there’s something seriously wrong with me, I want a specialist. I don’t expect my G.P. to be expert in every field of medicine. I wouldn’t want a good all-rounder administering my oncology, or an ear, nose and throat wallah fiddling with my aorta!
Monogamous tradition dictates that your partner must be an all-rounder. We expect him/her to provide care, attention, love, support, social interaction, entertainment, sex, and we expect to provide the same in return. It is not reasonable to expect anyone to be expert in every aspect of partnership. The very best we can hope for is a good all-rounder, with expertise in the one aspect most dear to us. Even this compromise is difficult to find and nigh-on impossible to sustain over decades.
So, is there a case for single service providers in lieu of a one stop shop? Is the only perfect partner actually not one man or woman but a collection of people, chosen for their skill sets? Logically, I think yes. Emotionally, I’m less convinced. What do you think?
Women’s Rights
15 Tuesday Jan 2013
Feminism
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Posted in death, Fear, happy, Love, murder, rape, relationships, Respect, Sex, Uncategorized
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feminist, happiness, life, murder, musings, rants, rape, relationships, respect, sex, sex 2, society, thoughts, women
There has been a lot of discussion of feminist issues on various social media, following the brutal rape and murder of Nirbhaya. Most of the outcry is emotional, necessary and laudable. Predictably, there is a small minority seeking to blame the victims for the problem: skirts too short, drinking alcohol, not chaperoned, &c. Thankfully, the vermin spouting these lies are relatively rare (albeit not quite rare enough).
What I also detect is a worrying undercurrent that seems to suggest that feminist ideas and ideals are pro-woman but anti-man. I believe this is fundamentally flawed. I am proud to declare that I am a feminist. I absolutely believe that equality of opportunity is in the best interests of both sexes.
In my experience, women who are respected, supported and feel safe, are more likely to be happy. Women who are happy, keep men happy. I don’t know of any other way that works.
So, it follows, that feminism is in the best interests of even the most selfish man, and all the rest of us too.
